Two Babies and Three Christmas Miracles

My favourite Christmas song of all time is called ‘Christmas Card From A Hooker in Minneapolis’ by Tom Waits.

The first line is ‘Hey Charlie, I’m pregnant' and I've loved this song and Tom Waits long before pregnancy ever had any relevance to me personally or professionally. I remember clearly playing this for Gerald for the first time and he totally got it. It was kind of a litmus test for any serious chance of us ever having a future. Any potential suitor had to know that, apart from my dad, there were two other men in my life, Tom Waits and Nick Cave (I have since added a herbalist, a chiropractor and an osteopath).

Gerald passed the test and it wasn't too long after that that pregnancy did become relevant for both of us and we had our daughter, Lena.

'Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis' is the most beautifully crafted story of a woman who’s badly out of luck told in her Christmas letter to Charlie. 

I’ve often wondered who Charlie is. 

You wouldn’t know it’s a Christmas song only for the title and a live version that includes a raspy rendition of Silent Night as an opening. That’s the one we play in our house and in the car in the lead up to Christmas. Although this December it’s been ‘Summer in Siam' a lot, Christmas or not (thank you Shane McGowan).

Christmas is about different things to different people. To Christians it is to celebrate the birth of Jesus. How we celebrate the birth of this one baby, in Europe in particular, is still  reminiscent of pre-Christian traditions that originated in times when people were much more observant of nature and our place in it. 

In the Northern Hemisphere Christmas is the celebration of movement into light. There are candles and wood fires in many homes and public places. By Christmas Day we will have moved past the winter solstice which marks the shortest day of the year and the longest night. 

Solstice means ‘sun standing still’ (which, of course, it always does). The winter solstice in the Northern Hemisphere is the very moment that the Sun seems to come to a halt on the horizon. It seems to stand still for just the length of a breath before changing direction from its lowest point towards its highest point in the sky as the Earth moves through its orbit. During this moment in time the Earth's North Pole is at its furthest distance from the Sun which makes it winter time in the Northern Hemisphere (this year in the UK that’s at 03:27 GMT on December 22nd). Meanwhile, Down Under, it’s summer and people are having ‘White Wine In The Sun’ for Christmas, according to Tim Minchin at least (another favourite on our annual Christmas playlist). 

The story of Jesus’ birth is told every year in primary schools all over the world.

How many stories of little cuties at Nativity plays have I heard from my clients this year?

It’s so special to the families I have the privilege of being a tiny part of through my aromatherapy clinic and online birth prep classes!

I, too, remember going to see my little Lena; Never, ever without tissues! 

One year she got one of the lead roles, even. She was a camel in a play titled ‘The hopeless Camel’.

Great performance!

She didn’t always play such prominent parts though.

The year she decided that she didn’t want to do her Holy Communion because we offered her the choice and she felt that she didn’t want to make such a big decision at such a young age, she was cast as Judas. 

The teacher swore it was by coincidence, no offence! 

I’ve witnessed the Nativity Story told in many creative ways over the years and I do have a favourite version of it, one that struck a chord with me as a birth educator. 

It’s ‘The Lion, The Unicorn And Me - The Donkey's Christmas Story’ by Jeanette Winterson.

This one is written in the voice of the donkey who got chosen to carry Mary to Bethlehem despite his mighty and mystical competitors. The donkey, not the lion or the unicorn, had the most relevant skills for the job! 

I use this story because it describes the rawness and sanctity of birth so beautifully. It describes the celebration of the birth of a child in a way in which I would love every birth to be celebrated because every new life is so full of potential.

Here’s how the donkey got the job after the very thorough selection process that preceded:

‘[...] the angel gave us a tie-breaker: could we say, in one sentence, why we were right for the job?

The lion spoke first. ‘If He is to be King of the World, He should be carried by the King of the Beasts. 

‘The unicorn said, ‘If He is to be the mystery of the World, He should be carried by the most mysterious of us all.’

I said, ‘Well, if He is to bear the burdens of the world, He had better be carried by me.’ 

And that is how I found myself trotting quietly along, the red desert under my hooves, the sky rolled out like a black cloth over my head, and a tired woman nodding asleep on my back, towards the little town of Bethlehem [...].'

When they arrive at the inn Joseph helps Mary get settled in the stable that is crowded full of animals. He makes a bed for her and

‘Mary was glad of the heat of the animals. She fell asleep for a while [...]’

The donkey is outside in the crisp air eating his supper and he notices the three wise men arriving and angels sitting on the roof. He hears a commotion inside the stable and decides to go and see.

‘[...] In all of this light and motion, I trotted quietly through the little door and pushed my way through the other animals to where Joseph was kneeling beside Mary.

She was on all fours, just like us. 

There was a rushing sound, like water, and a cry, like life. 

It was life, bloody and raw, and wet and steaming in the cold like our breath, and the Baby, its face screwed up and its eyes closed, and Joseph’s hand bigger than its back, and suddenly there was the blast of trumpets, and the front blew clean off the stable, and I looked up and saw the angels’ feet pushed through the sagging roof and their bodies taut on the ridge-line, heralding the beginning of something, the end of something, I don’t know what words to say, but beginnings and ends are hinged together and folded back against each other, like shutters, like angels’ wings

I tipped back my head, and I brayed and brayed to join the trumpets. My nose was so high and the roof so low, that the angel’s foot brushed me as I sang [...].’

This is my favourite part of my favourite Nativity and I highly recommend getting your hands on a copy not least to see what happened to the donkey after he was brushed by the angel's foot.

When I first discovered that there was a nativity story in which Mary gives birth upright I was still a registered midwife and I have gifted this to more fellow midwives than I can think to remember.

That description of a brand new baby immediately after birth just hits home every time and upon reading this story I am reminded of a birth that happened a little more than two millennia later.

This one didn’t happen in a stable, it happened in a medical labour ward also around Christmas time. As far as I know there were no angels sitting on the roof, but of course I can’t be sure, I didn’t check.

Let’s call this mother 'Modern Mary' to protect her anonymity and let’s call her hubby Peter just so it doesn’t get ridiculous. 

Peter drives a family car, there was no donkey (I know! Pity!).

Unlike the original Mary and Joseph, Modern Mary and Peter had already had two babies previously. I had met them with their second baby when Modern Mary decided to have a caesarean section. Their first baby had also been born by caesarean. I had offered her a VBAC and so had my colleagues but that time she didn’t want it. After a long first labour and a caesarean for ‘failure to progress’ Modern Mary didn’t trust herself, so she chose to have a second caesarean (a VBAC is a vaginal birth after caesarean).

When they came back pregnant with their third baby, the one who was born around Christmas time at the start of this millennium, Modern Mary had this deep desire to go through labour and give birth ‘herself’. 

She wanted to ‘try’ again. 

Of course this sentiment would have been entirely alien to our original Mary. 

I imagine that to that Mary the wise words of Yoda were the most likely reality:

 'There is no try!'

Wouldn't you think?

At the time Modern Mary and Peter were expecting their third baby, there weren’t many doctors around who were supportive of a VBA2C (and frankly there still aren't). We were lucky because we had the one doctor known to support this kind of renegade notion right at the hospital that I worked in at the time. Although women give birth vaginally after two caesareans all around the world, they are still considered to be unreasonable by many midwives and doctors and rallying up support is not usually this easy. 

Our doctor even went on call for women in her free time and we were so grateful to her when she said that she’d be there for us even over Christmas.

When the time came it was in the middle of the night. Labour had been evident for a bit but Modern Mary ignored it, she was distracted by her children and I don’t even think she told Peter until she couldn’t ignore it any longer. That’s when she told me, too, and we decided to meet at the hospital after midnight.

Modern Mary had toyed with the notion of a waterbirth but in the end she decided to stay on dry land and have a shot of Pethidine after all. The CTG monitor was bobbing away in the background but that didn’t stop Modern Mary from being on her all fours (I highly recommend reading the  'Birth Small Talk' Blog for more information to decide whether or not you would want a CTG monitor on if that was you). 

The one thing that is usually unambiguous when it comes to a CTG trace is the ‘normal’ trace. That trace that gets printed in textbooks to let you see when not to worry. There are many variations of ‘abnormal’ traces that don’t necessarily mean that the baby is unwell but clinicians must act on them. Overall CTGs do not improve outcomes when compared to listening in to the baby’s heartbeat intermittently. A ‘textbook’ trace is unusual in labour, particularly at the end which is why intervention rates, caesareans in particular, are higher when CTGs are used.

We couldn’t get a hold of our doctor during that night, but the labour ward sister on night shift was trusting of us. She trusted the mum, she trusted the baby, she trusted me and, just like me, she knew that there were plenty of doctors in the hospital who would be able to assist in an emergency. That wouldn’t be a problem. I was just worried that our CTG trace would show patterns that were not ‘normal’. In that case we would have wanted the doctor who was most supportive of Modern Mary's birth plan to help with decision making.

But, that whole night, as if by miracle, our trace was absolutely textbook and the low rhythmic heart sounds coming from the machine carried us through the night. We had one light on, just enough to see the printout, that was it.

When the day staff came on there was some commotion outside. 

We kept our doors closed. 

‘What are you doing in there?’

‘We would like to see that CTG!’

I assured the doctors and our new labour ward sister for the day that everything was normal. 

They did want to see for themselves and said that they would come to us to 'review and make a plan' as part of the ward round.

It was starting to get brighter outside, and I braced myself for having to advocate for this mama. 

Still no sign of ‘our’ doctor, I was sure she’d be calling me back soon.

Low winter daylight was coming in through the windows.

Modern Mary was still on her all fours.

And then, before the doctors even made it to our door she felt like pushing and then very soon - unusually soon for a first baby to pass through the birth canal - this little baby’s head was starting to become visible.

Our second miracle!

When I told the labour ward sister, she wanted to get a quick glance at the CTG because we were now officially in the 'second stage of labour' and after all this mama was 'high risk'. Sister was as surprised as I had been at how this little baby’s heart pattern still produced a trace typical of pregnancy rather than labour. 'Amazing! And yes, definitely baby's trace, there's mum's trace there, both beautiful!' and then she left us to it again.

And so, Modern Mary was kneeling on her all fours just like nature called her to.

Then there was a rushing sound, like water, and a cry, like life. 

It was life, bloody and raw, and wet and she leaned back to look down at her baby. It took her a moment to recognise that she had done it. Peter cried with joy as Modern Mary scooped her baby into her arms.

When they got home, I did their midwife’s visits. The Christmas tree was still up and their older children were playing with their toys. Both, Modern Mary and Peter, described this experience as healing. Peter spoke of how in awe he was of his wife and of birth itself. Modern Mary said that something shifted in her, that she felt a deep sense of confidence as a mother now. 

That’s the third miracle, a new beginning as a mother.

Beginnings and ends are hinged together and folded back against each other, like shutters, like angels’ wings.

Those two births more than two millennia apart are as much different as they are the same. By all accounts our original Mary gave birth in a way that we would now describe as ‘Freebirth’.

Modern Mary did have some technology around her and that offered her a sense of security but in the end it was her trust in her ability that got her through… and the miraculous turn of events that led to us never having to even think twice about the CTG trace.

If you are reading this blog on the day of its publication, then it is the day before Christmas Eve and I wish you the most magical time as you are gettng ready for whatever this time holds for you. 

For the three of us it's likely a Christmas Eve celebration followed by a day in our PJs and lots of food.

Maybe your baby is about to be born soon? Maybe you’ll have a baby some time in 2024.

If you would like me to be part of your journey feel free to send me an email to [email protected]

My pregnancy massage sessions are so much more than massage. My massage packages include an aromatherapy for labour and birth module as part of my R.O.A.D. To Birth online birth education program which comes free with the Anchor package.

Even with all of the choices pregnant mamas are faced with today, birth can be as simple as it was two thousand years ago! 

Would you agree?